The Visitor – An Online Conversion Funnel parody based on The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe

By Nadavi Noked


Once upon a midnight query, while I searched for AdWords entries
I could tweak or change and maybe get a better CTR
While I checked my sign-up wizard, suddenly I heard a teaser
Analytics asked: who is it, landing near my website’s door
Tis some visitor, I muttered, let’s convert the poor senior
Only this, and nothing more

Ah, distinctly I remember, my accountant was dismembered
Coz each separate ad campaign I ran was useless and a bore
Eagerly I added live-chat, burned my budget on the plancha
Read the tips and tricks for dummies, couldn’t get more customers
Yes, the hard cash paying angels who my bank account adores
Not in SalesForce evermore

Landing pages I envisioned, with their glorious Calls To Action
Thrilled me – filled me with conversion horrors, never felt before
All the pages’ tags are weeping, while KissMetrics is still sleeping
Tis some visitor who’s landing in the middle of my store
Some organic search perhaps has brought him to my door
This it is, and nothing more

Presently my pitch grew stronger, hesitating then no longer
Sir, said I, or Madam, truly, your subscription I implore
But the fact is I was napping, and I dreamed of cash flow swamping
An Initial Public Offering, say in NASDAQ – I adore
Almost heard VC’s enchanting for a while, but in its core
There’s P&L, and nothing more

Way beyond the header, peering, long I scrolled down, wondering, fearing
Doubting, dreaming dreams no business owner dared to dream before
But the sign-up was unfinished, and the tracking was diminished
And the only word there spoken was me whispering  – Visitor
And the visitor just murmured back at me – show me the door
Merely this and nothing more

Back into the office building, thinking of the cash I’m burning
Then I hear a social button clicking louder than before
`Maybe,’ said I, `Maybe that is just the sound of Share I’m hearing
Let me see then, cook some data, and this mystery explore
No one bounce for just a moment, while I try not to ignore
Some rogue traffic, nothing more

Sign-up here, fill this in later, and the password – I’ll deliver
In there stood an unconverted lead of mine, of course
Off to Pricing page he wandered, and on How-It-Works he pondered
Whether to proceed to payment, or to lean back and endure
He basked a little in the FAQ, and the About was just a blur
Then he sat, and nothing more

And the visitor, never flitting, still is sitting, not converting
Testimonials – he is reading, Getting Started – he is not
And his eyes have all the seeming of a dollars I am dreaming
But the sixteen digit magic, CVV and expiration – me, they still ignore
and my landing page conversions
Shall be lifted – nevermore

פוסט זה פורסם בקטגוריה מילים חליפיות לשירים, עם התגים , , , , . אפשר להגיע ישירות לפוסט זה עם קישור ישיר.

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